I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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