Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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