he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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