Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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