she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
