READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
