that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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