We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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