I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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