Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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