i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize