I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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