I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I look excited, but its just a facade.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
