And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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