how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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