I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
