She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
