I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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