If i could tip my vagina, i would.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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