Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
