I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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