Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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