we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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