True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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