One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
