Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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