just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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