Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
