So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
