Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
