I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
