At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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