First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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