My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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