Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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