I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
