you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
