I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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