It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
