It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
