We're facebook friends in real life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize