i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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