remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
