Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
worst night to have a conscience
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
