The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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