I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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