stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
