I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
