dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
