How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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