when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
