I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
