He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
