Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
