She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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