i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
