I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
