my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
