She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
