Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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