I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
