I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
