to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
