then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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