dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
True strength comes from lack of pants
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
