I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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