Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
