3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
