Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
