i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
