Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
