Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
