Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
