are you still at the devil's house?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
