He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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