Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
