We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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