Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
